Tuesday, September 14, 2010

good and bad

so i have good news and bad news. lets start with the good news because its just too amusing. I just got and started a job at the swankiest cigar and wine shop in Antigua (well the second swankiest if you count wine/cigar bars, but this isnt a bar, its just a shop). Literally i walked in off the street and asked if Spanish was required, and she was like "nope! can you start tomorrow?" and i said "yup!" and now i am a sommelier! how couth. She's like, "how much do you know about wine?" and im like, "not much, but i know what I like", and shes like "well how much to you know about cigars?", and im like, "far less". and shes like "alright". and then she broke out a bunch of cigar and wine books in Spanish and said that i could read them if i wanted to but that she usually just chats online all day because maybe 2 or three people come in a day to buy stuff (cause its so swanky). Most of this stuff could be bought at the supermarket for 20 percent less, but the tourists dont know that.
I was not required to have a liquor license or anything...they collected no personal information, and i signed no contracts, in fact, im not even sure if they know my last name. gotta love th 3rd world.
This place is located on the nicest drag in town underneath a beautiful historic archway, its smells of unburt tobacco...mmmmm yummy

AND BAM! the story just got that much more interesting. as i was tying this a dude walked in and in Spanish, asked my if we carried Ron Zacappa which is the most expensive rum in the store, the country, and as far as i know, the most expensive rum in the world. And i was like, AHHH, my first sale is like a million Queztales, and then i was like, oh, wait, Andrea told me that they sold the last bottle yesterday. so then i recommended the other most expensive bottle in the store and he was like, well hoe much is it, and i was like umm, i dunno cause they of course they dont lable a bottle that expensive, and it wasnt listed in the price list, so i just was like, erm "1200 Quezales?", ans he was like, well id like to pay 1000, and im like, sorry the prices are non-negotiable...and theh hes like, "ok, well i only wanted the price anyway" and im like," ok, ta ta then"...and i know you guys are all wondering, "well did you sell it or not?" and you are waiting for me to tell you that i did (cause i did such a good job building up suspense and all) but sorry, he walked out and i was sad. Anyway, that was all in Spanish, and i dont speak Spanish so kudos to me. Although the entire time i felt like an impostor, like i shouldn't be working retail in a Spanish speaking country (and i knew that the guy was thinking that too).
the good news is that while i was writing that part that i just wrote, another lady walked in and was like "please tell me you speak English!" and i did, and then she asked for directions and i gave them to her in perfect English...i was so proud.

Anyway, now for the bad news. today the guy that my friend and i are subletting our rooms in the villa from told us that his bosses had come down yesterday and shut down the business and that basically, unless we wanted to rent the villa directly from the owners, we are gonna be booted out at the end of the month...i cant go back to the hostel, i just cant! Anyway, we are gonna try to find two more roommates and rent it directly, cause its massively cheap for 4 or 5 people, like as cheap as my place in Rochester except that its a massive villa...so thats gonna be a new adventure, i really want to keep this place. Does anybody want to come down here and move in...commoooonnnnnnn!!!!! you can get a job here, they are everywhere, you'll get paid more than a local because you speak English and you'll live like a king!

Thats all,


  1. i got all excited for a new post....and then BAM! disappointment!...this was a cruel joke....copying and pasting emails...tsk tsk tsk

  2. Let's unpack your sense of cultural superiority, Jacob.

  3. raab, i dont even know how that applies, but i appreciate the comment